The Bear in the Attic by Patrick F. McManus

Author:Patrick F. McManus
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
Published: 2003-06-01T07:00:00+00:00

A Hunter’s Breakfast

Nothing improves a hunt more than starting off with a good breakfast. Several recent examples of the hunter’s breakfast leap to mind.

I was snoozing peacefully away when the alarm suddenly jolted me awake, feet churning, arms flailing. Punching off the alarm button, I blinked at the clock—three A.M. What foul trick was this? What fiend had committed this atrocity? Ah yes, no fiend other than myself. Feeling fiendish, I flipped on the light, reached over, and shook Bun, who had clamped a pillow over her head. “You awake?” I asked. This, by the way, is standard operational procedure in preparing for an early morning hunt.

“No,” she growled.

“Sorry. I thought maybe the alarm had awakened you.”

“It didn’t. Now shut up.”

“That’s odd. The alarm practically gave me heart spasms, and it didn’t even awaken you. Hunh. Very interesting. Well, I suppose there’s nothing to do but get up. I hope I haven’t disturbed you too much. I’ll get dressed as quietly as I can. Did you hear what I said, Bun? Did you hear?”

She removed the pillow from her head and gave me a squinty-eyed look in which I could just barely detect a bit of affection, which also might have been some fuzz stuck to the corner of her upper lip. “Oh all right, I’m awake now,” she snapped. “How could I not be? So what would you think about my fixing you a nice hot breakfast of bacon and eggs, a big stack of pancakes, and some good strong coffee while you get dressed?”

My heart leaped up. “I’d love it!”

“I thought you would. Well, I was just curious.” She clamped the pillow back over her head.

Always remember that wives can respond viciously to the standard operational procedure, and it must never be attempted by beginners, in either marriage or hunting.

“Okay,” I said. “I just didn’t want you to feel guilty simply because Honey Sweeney is at this very moment up fixing a delicious breakfast for Retch.” Retch is my hunting buddy. He has a nice wife. I won’t repeat Bun’s response, except to say it contained a couple of words that I doubted were even in Honey Sweeney’s vocabulary. Actually, there aren’t a whole lot of words of any kind in Honey’s vocabulary, but she is cute.

I went down to the kitchen and put on the coffee. It occurred to me that lox and bagel would taste pretty good, with some cream cheese and, oh yeah, a slice of onion sprinkled with capers. Made my mouth water just thinking about it. I opened the bread box. No bagels. Nothing but one stale glazed donut. I checked the refrigerator for lox. No lox. At least we had an onion. Then I rummaged around in the pantry and came up with a tin of sardines. You know, it may not be exactly the same as lox and bagel, but sardines and onion on a stale glazed donut with mustard comes pretty darn close. Try it, you’ll like it, particularly the next time you’re up fixing your own hunter’s breakfast at three in the morning.

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